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Post by Admin on Apr 29, 2019 14:06:11 GMT
sorry, bit late to the party!
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Post by Raven on May 22, 2019 15:07:20 GMT
So the season has finished. With some very big surprises right at the last minute (i.e Raven staying up) it’s been one heck of a wild ride. Next season should be interesting what with Brexit and all. 90% of players will either return home or stay here illegally. Although to be honest most of them are already here illegally. As they say, they come here and do all the jobs that us brits are too proud to do. And work for companies that we don’t want to work for. Much like the players in the Phoenix squad then. The part time cleaners that also run around the pitch at Oceans will also have to watch out as once the welcome to stay runs out all the welshies will be over here looking for those jobs too. Either that or they could just stay working at home bargains. Anyone else look at Atomic kitten and can’t help thinking somewhere up north there’s a supermarket three checkout girls short?....... It’s been refreshing not having Luca Mosbauer in the dressing rooms. Claude’s farts are starting to make noise again which he is enjoying and the talc in the wash rooms is actually talc again. Not umm.......other white powdered substances.............. Roblejo has been away with the Mexican national team. Shoe shining and juice bringing I think............. a wasted talent. Unlike Mosbauer who is a WASTED talent. The infliction in the phrase is subtle but important. See you all next season wickdeeds.
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Post by Raven on Aug 14, 2019 13:54:41 GMT
Right ok. We have been woken from our slumber here in the Ravens Call editing suite. Our feet were firmly up on the desk and whisky was a flowing. But no, you blithering idiots cant keep your stubby little fingers out of the pies that are sex drugs and sausage rolls. So here we are with our input on the recent scandals. (incidentally, Scandals could be an over 18's holiday resort don't you think!?)
Firstly it is good to see all of this coming out clearer than Micheal Barrymore at a pool party, so that is progress whatever happens.
Secondly, we feel all of Rogues Team including the managers, scouts and players should be lined up and shot. But apparently someone tried that with a religious group a while back and people complained so we wont be allowed. PC gone mad I say.
Last we looked Oceans still had the cage so we have sent over a supply of dried conker shells and Lego to stick to the inside which should spur the team on in training if they survive the legal battles. Which they wont. Cuz the legal team have been bribed.
Also what punishment will the ref get the whistle blowing little maggot?
OOh OOOoh, an idea! What about freezing a load of hedgehogs and then we could throw them at the Rogues players a bit like target practice and make a game of it. Especially if we places some bets and brought a little buffet along. It could really be a great day for all the family. We'll bring the BBQ.
As for the lack of sponsorship and thus, kit, it can't be hard in this day and age to find a company with little to no morals to sponsor Rogues for the rest of the season. Someone with money and a large legal team who are in it just for themselves and happy to avoid stupid things like laws or human rights. Sports Direct or Starbucks or someone.
Frankly either get rid of the team or invest ridiculous amounts of money into them but either way please keep the noise down. We are trying to enjoy our retirement.
Over and Out you load of Fick Daggots
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Post by Oceans Seven on Aug 14, 2019 23:56:18 GMT
Here's the thing right......
Can't help but feel a bit responsible for Rogue's as they used to be an affiliate of Oceans well at least for .68th of a second
that's toooo long all things considered, anyhoo right over that now!. BUT, BUT there's a silver lining we have indeedee GOT THE CAGE ALSO got an
Electrician in or for the like's of us common types a "Spark" and he made some jolly good, or shall we just say "adjustments" we jerry-rigged a 440 volt charge to the chicken wire on the Cage and for you muggle types out there the difference between 240 household voltage is, 240 volts will give you a little innocent tickle just enough to hurt.... a bit before relocating your ass 10ft across whichever room your ass is in at the time.... I suggest NOT standing in a room with a window behind you when you attempt this as the likely hood of breaking said window is very high. It will probably kill you a little bit. If you got a dickie ticker your goose is probably cooked, if you haven't well same outcome anyway 240v isn't fussy, Brightside "Unless" you're with somebody who can give you first-aid or do CPR..... if you don't know "CPR" by now then Bo*$x frankly I can't be bothered to explain I'm so far off-topic now I've forgotten what I was on about................................ O yeah
Your knackered friend
440V well that's your big industrial stuff and forget windows you wouldn't care It will cook you and leave you looking like one of those Kabab meat hocks you see spinning round on a spit in Kabab shops anyway, outcome dead meat... you may say... Gosh doesn't he prattle on. But I say nay here at Oceans7 were into all that fluffy Familie stuff your our fans and we look out for our own kuz were nice like that with loads of helpful stuff.
So we found some old transistors left over from WW111 and an old VHS vid called "Carry on screaming" (I know don't ask) ripped out some steel wire armor cable we found nailed to the wall in the gym which seemed no one was using..... the cable I'm on about, not the gym and just let the spark get creative he got the idea of adapting the electric chair from the film and well now the cage glows in the dark lovely quite clever I thought. O roadkill, hedgehogs waste not want not I say we used the skins to line the cage walls we could only find 4 skins needless to say it niff's a bit when the power is turned on but after a while, it seems to go away. But our resident homeless beggar grassed us up to animal right's activists and now we got a crowd of angry Greenpeace tree huggin animal lover's camped out in the carpark....... hmmmmm reminds me luckily were playing away tomorrow to Night something or other who got no fracking chance by the way (Ahhhhh whatever, if they read this load of twaddle speak and are still reading this, this far later I will not only be impressed I will be a bit worried as that show's dedication. But I'm assured by LEGAL that there's nothing to worry about).
Just going to activate "Wave Crest's" auto defense sentry gun turrets that should piss the hippies off YEP NO CHARGE GUYS see ya!! Anyone spot the hidden deliberate mistake yet?. Yes, there is a prize. OOOoooo
So my point is Rogues now have "THE" cage to utilize to there twisted heart's content, BLESS. Think I should have mentioned at the start this post carries an 18 certificate there's no nudity of coarse or muuuch bad language but.... ok just one "miss" use of a small word ok ahhhh who cares a Philosopher said to me once " CRAP EAR WE GO AGAIN" and this close to Christmas LEGAL thinks nobody will mind too much anyway.
Sooooooo yeah, well done and thanks to MR SIR JAY RAVEN DEADPOOL of the ROAST who if you haven't met him is just such the most sweetest loveliest kindest most adorable church-going bloke you could possibly ever want to meet in your life. But I will warn you now after midnight and until six in the morning, he becomes the "No nonsense crime-fighting. UNCAPED crusader DEADPOOL!. I know I know I also was shocked when I found out but true to his word bless his little cotton multiple colored toed sock's hell that was a mouthful... He came through for us.
When Oceans told him about the crisis over at Rogues and the two young academy lads being held hostage in the canteen he flew no ran, kuz he cant fly.....yet. Out that door flagged down an UBBER and quicker then you can say "crispy high five" arrived at the Gallow's...... HMMMMM I'm sure there's a poignant message here, but I'm not seeing it, tut gosh.
So with Rubberband man making a din from his walkman headphone's like the HERO, he isn't set's fire to the building??? I asked "mate WTF MAN? what's with the firework display?" of which he replied in true DEADPOOL format and lady's and genital men this IS why the 18 certificate tonight, did say... "WHAT? MY F-IN EARS ARE STILL RINGING " More F-IN and JEFFIN followed (The last 3 lines got repeated too many times to... O use your imagination fer crying out loud)
20 minutes 7 fire engine's 14 ambulances two AIR-Ambulances cops and cop cars everywhere. The national guard were on route because some clown high at the top thought it was a terrorist attack... can't blame them I suppose ya know. Some tosser suggested calling the "AVENGERS" think he was smoking weed will never know though as a huge piece of flaming roof blew off and he disappeared in a crash and cloud of smoke before we could get a phone number. (Don't know where the hell I was going with that, my bad)
I did say he wasn't allowed to kill any players, coaches or if he found that miserable oink "Spencer Watson Rogues assistant manager" (if you didn't know that). You can't miss him he wears an 80's style shell suite!!. See that's your problem right there never trust anyone in a shell suite I say. So true to his word he just messed them up some in true DEADPOOL STYLE
Moral of this long-ass story is we have two orphans from a washed-up disgraced team of reprobates camping on the pitch now with nowhere special to be. We did our best to look after them called the samaritans they weren't the least bit interested go figure.
Nails Baker loaned them his X-BOX ONE, Tuvrobt whipped up a lovely french dish some recipee passed down through generations. If I'm brutally honest, to me, well it looked like snails in mash tatties well this time of night our kitchen is shut but my boys ever-resourceful made them lads feel right at home I was so proud it bought a Terre to my mai-tie.................. anyone ever get fed up with predictive text tut
Kutrew rediscovered his inner boy scout found an old TEEPEE left behind by, think it belonged to "Lucas Bolt" when he played for us wow sure take's me back. History lesson there lol ahhh remember when "right", one night he drank 35 cups of Twynings Jaffa cake, yang-lang and camelmile tea think it was. He almost died in his own "TEEPEE" ahhhhh happy memories lol
Well gosh is that the time got a match to watch in the morning. So to close then, its been a blast to have your company I can only imagine that if you're still reading this you must be board to death, LITTLE TIP don't ring the samaritans they couldn't give A rats left testy and frankly neither do I. I tried and thought you know what if I come on here and just you know talk to you nice lovely people 1) I save my phone battery from going flat 2) I also save my minutes allowance and 3) Well it give's you and I some quality time to catch up and tell a few stories and well I found it very therapeutic pluss its free so win's all round. Wonderfull ok well I'll be here all week (sigh) its been a pleasure.
I've enjoyed your company thank you and a heartfelt goodnight pip pip mind the bed bugs don't bite
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Post by Raven on Aug 15, 2019 12:47:10 GMT
Bloody grasshoppers that was a long one. But enough about me, what about that message then reader(s)!
Firstly, world war 3? Have we been asleep that long? Secondly, we didn’t spot he deliberate mistakes, only the accidental ones. Thirdly we really liked the “genital men” bit! 😂
Right, back to retirement now.
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