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Post by Admin on Jul 31, 2019 0:51:03 GMT
Very poetic sir!!
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Post by Raven on Jul 31, 2019 20:22:25 GMT
We thank you
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Post by Raven on Aug 6, 2019 13:58:00 GMT
You know, a belated letter is still better than no letter at all.
And on that note, here we are once again to run you through the week according to The Silver Lining Club.
We realise that this magazine is more than just over emphasised words on an under-attended website.
Now there is really a need for some positive thinking and we are ready to bring it to you. ( anyone else spotted the acrostic poem? We will give you some time........ )
Ok now to more important matters. At the Roost this week, a grand party was held to honour all the managers of Fastball and their weekly entertainments. It was a great event enjoyed by everyone invited. Turns out, no one was invited. So if anyone wants some mouldy sausage rolls and Pimms soaked salad in a glass, the upper floor of the Roost is always unlocked. But as we said to the refugees, you get yourself in there, you get yourself out.
We googled our own name this week and a surprising thing came up as the result. Turns out there is a group of OAP's in Chepstow who regularly meet up to enjoy each others company. Not in a dodgy way. That was another google search that went wrong. Always look at where your punctuation marks are going. For instance the phrase " Have you eaten, Grandma?" means a totally different thing if you leave out the comma. So imagine our horror when we googled "Doggers" instead of "Dog, Grrrrs". We also urge you to check spaces and spelling mistakes as something as innocent as "Analysis" quickly turns sour when spelt "Analisis" and you put a space in the middle. With that important and helpful information we leave you. Without giving much insight into this weeks performances at all. We know that you are an informed bunch of humans and have by now come to your own educated opinions of last weeks games and that us merely pointing out the obvious may seem somewhat patronising.
On that note, an american woman ( rather large ) came up to me recently after reading another blog of ours where we look at problems with obesity and told me she thought I was against larger people. She said " Sir, you are Fattist". I said "I'm sorry madam, I think you'll find you are fattist."
And so the plights we have are tiny Cuz Our Balls Are Always Shiny
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Post by Raven on Aug 14, 2019 13:59:16 GMT
AAAHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhh.... what a lovely week we have had here at The Silver Lining Club. Our entire staff and players enjoyed time away on one of Sir Richard's islands. Not Little Richard. His island holiday packages crashed apparently. No, we mean Mr Virgin. No not Viper manager. For crying out loud. Sir Richard Branson. The Virgin owner? Blimey that was hard work. Anyway, it was such a pleasant time. we swam with turtles, had late night sing songs by the fire and just generally unwound. Another great round of victories deserved a decent time away. ......
........
Whats that noise?......................
Oh dear. Someone woke the Ravens Call Editors.
Oh look........ something happened at Rogues Seven this week............... I'm sure everything is just lovely............. Oh no. We need to go
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Post by Raven on Sept 2, 2019 15:00:43 GMT
Hello everyone.
What an absolute pleasure it is to be back with you again. We love cup week here at the Silver Lining Club. So much so that everything in the office last week was "cup" related. We had all beverages being drunk from cups and only cups. Whether it be tea, apple juice, wine, you name it. From all types of cups. Bone China cups, trophy cups, bra cups, whatever we could find. And none of the office ladies have put in any complaints either. Always a silver lining people. Always. A. Silver. Lining.
We had posters up of various cups over the years. Many many posters. We had bunting made from numerous bras and crockery. It was quite something!
And then to celebrate Raven's win we watched videos containing cups. This was going well until Steve showed us a short film with just one cup and two ladies. We are still washing our eyes with TCP to this day. Blimmin' Steve. It's always Steve.
We are hoping the season carries on as well as it has started. And gets better for those struggling with simple tasks like sending team sheets in and losing even when they do. It brings tears to our eyes. Or that might just be the TCP.
Here's to another fantastic week guys and gals. You are all deeply deeply loved. Not by us. But we are sure there must be someone out there.
Even when we run out of words that end in iny.............. Our Balls Are Always Shiny
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Post by Raven on Sept 20, 2019 14:32:01 GMT
Good afternoon Fastball Fans and well, sports fans in general. We do hope you enjoyed this weeks games. We certainly did. What a flurry of excitement all round. A truly silver lining to a week worth its weight in gold. And because you cant really weigh time, although some have tried and maybe the weight upon ones shoulders as ages pass could possibly be counted, the week has weighed nothing and so no gold will be dished out. Sorry.
We have had very big meetings this week. Full of lots of important people we didn't know worked at this club and some we are sure that were just there for something to do. It has all come about since this fad of political correctness hit our shores. We blame the war. Which one? We don't know.
But basically to summarise for you, because of all our international players and staff on board with the world of Fastball, we now have to be very careful about the things we say, do, listen to and watch on telly etc. There have been strict sanctions put in place and all our favourite media has had to be altered slightly to make sure no epileptic, black, homosexual, trans-gender Muslims find offence. Basically.
So now we listen to such songs as "Painted Rainbow", by the Beatles, "16 candles ( still makes you too young )" by The Crests, "Pretty Woman, Man or both" by Tom Jones and the classic "somewhere over the rainbow" by Eva Cassidy which thankfully hasn't had to change its name at all. Forward thinking she was. We also have had to change the tv shows we watch. So now we have "Orange is the new Ethnic Minority", "PostLady-man Pat" and also the ever popular "Killing Steve".
It is taking some adjustment here at The Roost we have to admit but apparently its really important because otherwise the epileptic, black, homosexual, trans-gender Muslims might rise up against society and....... I dunno...... Hurt someone. Or play for Destiny Warriors.
Can you see the glimmer reflecting off your hyney?
That'll be our balls, they're always shiny.
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Post by Admin on Sept 21, 2019 10:08:23 GMT
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Post by Raven on Oct 9, 2019 20:26:54 GMT
___________________________________________________Normal service will resume on October 11th 2019____________________________________________________________________________________
-----------------------------------------------------------------------We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
__________________________________________Seriously though, you should find something better to do with you time_________________________________________________________________________
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Post by Raven on Oct 11, 2019 22:02:24 GMT
Aaahhhh dear friends! What an exciting week it was in our little world. Not quite what we anticipated for our Raven boys but we feel we did very well considering the loss of two very talented players and playing agains some sheer fluke. Wonderful fluke though and done with such humility and discretion. Our opposition not only won the match but also did so with not a hint of egotistical squad quality but rather kept their team sacrificially under equipped. A real testament to their approach of humble lower level talent. We congratulate them on their wonderful and polite performance. Not running round the pitch trying to win one over but subtly creeping in amongst the rush, placing the ball ever so gently into the goal without even the faintest whisper of strength or power. In the other leagues it looks as though our teams really did one over on the opposition. Relegating then to the taste of their own anuses in well deserved beatings that will surely be written down in the fastball history. Climbing over their rivals in an unapologetic fight to be the best. And not just the best fastball teams but the best athletes of their generation. Simply by looking at them you would have become besotted and / or betrothed to them. One lady claimed insemination just by sniffing Tom Bissan’s jock strap. We think it’s entirely possible.
The jocks are large, but the straps are tiny Because Our Balls Are always shiny
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