|
Post by Black Sunshine on May 18, 2014 11:01:00 GMT
Welcome to the official Black Sunshine news report "Dark Matters".
Over the coming months as we work our way through the season, we will irregularly and with no real structure, report to you on all things.....um.....Black Sunshiny? Is that even a word? Anyway, no matter, you can expect a range of items including -
News Threats Blackmail attempts Tantrums
All of course, delivered with our trademark tone of anger, spite and self- importance.
We hope it gives you many seconds of enjoyment..........but many more hours of annoyance!!!
Tim Wallace (Black Sunshine)
|
|
|
Post by Black Sunshine on May 22, 2014 23:26:30 GMT
AVALON 23-20 BLACK SUNSHINE
Match Report-
We lost.
|
|
|
Post by Black Sunshine on Jun 1, 2014 10:56:33 GMT
BLACK SUNSHINE 25-21 BLAISE
Match report-
We won.
In other news, we said a not so fond farewell to two of our longest serving players this week. Captain Dan Cassetti and midfield stalwart Steven Wilson were both flogged and then sold to our visiting competitors Blaise, straight after the match. Black Sunshine simply will not tolerate inappropriate relations with other teams' managers. Frankly, the shower hose in the away changing room is beyond economic repair and has been sealed off with biohazard tape. In light of these developments, Alexs Horok has been made captain on account of his strict celibate lifestyle and well documented homophobia.* Tim Wallace (Black Sunshine Manager)
*Black Sunshine would like to make it clear that we accept no responsibility for it's players beliefs and that they fly in the face of our diversity policy however, we will gladly ignore them in the pursuit of success.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 1, 2014 15:09:13 GMT
We would like to welcome both Cassetti and Wilson to the team and hope that they can at last be appreciated for their fine talents. Cassetti has immediately been made Captain and he will bring a wealth of experience to our team, which is technically limited at the moment, despite the brave display that saw us narrowly lose to Black Sunshine..........
We look forward to the return game later in the season, who knows we may even have a new manager by then......
|
|
|
Post by Black Sunshine on Jun 6, 2014 21:30:50 GMT
CRIMSON STAR 21-25 BLACK SUNSHINE
Match Report-
We won. Thomas Obi and Jermaine Korl got sent off. IDIOTS!
In other news....... Black Sunshine would like to point out to Blaise, that we agree with the description of Cassetti and Wilson as having "fine talents". Indeed, it was your enjoyment of these "fine talents" that caused them to be sold in the first place. As it turns out, they do have "a wealth of experience". You weren't the first...........
Tim Wallace Black Sunshine
|
|
|
Post by Black Sunshine on Jun 16, 2014 22:30:38 GMT
BLACK SUNSHINE 29-17 WHITE FALCON Match Report- Mrs. Wallace is the manager of White Falcon. I have nothing to say......... In other hee-hee news, there was um...ha!.......oooh, I'm sorry....yes, in other news there was a.....haaa-haaa-haaa-haaa!......oh God!...it's too much.........hmmmmmm, ooooooh, right, yes, it's ok.....I got it under control.....phew.......um, where was I? Oh, yes, in other news it has been revealed in the last 2 minutes, that the Shiners' manager Tim Wallace is looking for a place to crash for a few nights, you know, just until the heat dies down. It's all good, just a bit of a mis-understanding really. I'll take the sofa.............
|
|
|
Post by Black Sunshine on Jun 25, 2014 20:43:10 GMT
TARTIST 20-28 BLACK SUNSHINE Match Report- We won.........again! Oh, and Charlie Jones got suspended for a week. T**T! In other news, we have finalised a deal that will strike fear into the hearts of our competitors. A new signing is on his way to the Deadwing Arena. Watch this space.........actually don't, that would be pointless. We've already written something there. Tim Wallace (Black Sunshine Manager)
|
|
|
Post by Black Sunshine on Jun 30, 2014 23:19:16 GMT
BLACK SUNSHINE 26-27 PSYCHO ZEN Match Report- We was robbed! In Other News- We lose for the 1st time this season by 1 miserable, stinking, bloody point and drop 5 places in the overall rankings!!!!!!!!!!!!! God damn you Newey and your dignified silence. Expect a horse head in your bed very soon.
|
|
|
Post by Black Sunshine on Jul 8, 2014 22:26:52 GMT
BLACK SUNSHINE 25-26 PHOENIX FIREBIRDS
Match Report- My Mother always said that if I didn't have anything nice to say, I shouldn't say anything at all.
In other news- Loris Tenkoin joins us from Canada to work alongside Troy Murray to help stop stupid, pathetic, lucky wins against us like we have had to endure over the last 2 weeks. Damn you all to hell...... Oh, for Gods sake, playing my own son this week. Even if we win the game I'll still feel like a t**t!
Tim Wallace Black Sunshine
|
|
|
Post by Black Sunshine on Jul 15, 2014 22:57:38 GMT
BLACK SUNSHINE 24-18 BLUE DRAGONS
Match Report- Don't judge me you bunch of hypocrites! Yes, I beat my own son (not by much as it happens), but that doesn't make me a bad person. There are plenty of other things that make me a bad person, but that ain't one of them. Stop looking at me like that!!! I did my best to lose.......well, not my best, but I certainly didn't do my best to win........ not quite anyway........oh knackers to this, I don't have to justify myself to you.
In Other News- Sod off! You won't make me feel bad........or at least, not any worse than I do already. Not that I feel bad, why should I? No reason to feel bad. Taught the boy a valuable life lesson. Not that he saw it that way. He called me a dick!
Tim Wallace Black Sunshine
|
|
|
Post by Black Sunshine on Jul 21, 2014 12:31:16 GMT
TAVARIA TITANS 24-19 BLACK SUNSHINE Match Report- I have repented my sins from last week by letting (ahem!) another youngster win this week. Happy now?!!!!! In other news- This week we have created a new position within the Shiners management team. Our newly appointed Young Manager Liaison Officer is Herod King. His primary role will be to hunt down the best young managers and assist us in dealing with them in a more thorough and complete fashion. I am sure you will join me in wishing Herod the very best of luck in his new role. Happy hunting Herod! Tim Wallace Black Sunshine
|
|
|
Post by Black Sunshine on Aug 5, 2014 22:06:35 GMT
AVALON 15-25 BLACK SUNSHINE ST. FAITHS WILDCATS 18-23 BLACK SUNSHINE
Match Reports- We won and then we won again.
In Other News- The Deadwing Arena has expanded again, allowing more away fans to watch their favourite team get pounded by the mighty Shiners. We would like to take this opportunity to thank our builders, Bodgitt & Leggett for completing the work (almost) in record time and at such a stupidly low price. Now if you could just pop back and finish the carving on the plaster of paris support columns, we would be very grateful.
Tim Wallace (Black Sunshine)
|
|
|
Post by Black Sunshine on Aug 14, 2014 18:05:14 GMT
SEVERNSIDE 24-25 BLACK SUNSHINE BLACK SUNSHINE 31-25 RHINOS Match reports- We rested many key players for the game against Severnside and it showed. Thank goodness for good old fashioned bribery! Thanks Ref!!! For our match against Rhinos we let loose the extraordinary talent that is Troy Murray. Troy did what Troy does best.........no, not that, don't be mucky.........he scored...lots! 19 goals from 45 shots in 85 mins! Then he was sent off.* Despite this, what an outstanding performance. *Troy is sticking to his story that he was merely checking for testicular cancer on a valued and respected opponent. In other news- We welcome Luis Quintino to Deadwing from Spain. Luis brings a wealth of experience, sangria and a small stuffed donkey with him, which our therapist is helping him to leave in the dug-out, with a minder during matches. Pathetic! Tim Wallace Black Sunshine
|
|
|
Post by Admin on Aug 15, 2014 14:22:07 GMT
|
|
|
Post by Black Sunshine on Aug 25, 2014 23:18:25 GMT
SCORPIONS 21-23 BLACK SUNSHINE
Match Report- We won. Lorna is manager of Scorpions. In a bid to keep my testicles in the place to which they have become accustomed, I have decided to keep celebrations to a minimum.
"Hurrah!"
"Ouch"
"Sorry"
In Other News- Black Sunshine wish to announce that manager Tim Wallace now wishes to be known as Tabitha. Although this change has come as a surprise to all here at the Shiners, Tim/Tabitha included, we would ask that everyone respects Lorna's choice for our managers' gender and give Tabitha the support she needs in this difficult time. There is an operation scheduled for the near future, when it is hoped Tim's balls will be removed from Tabitha's throat and reattached, to restore our manager to his former glory(?).
Tess Tickles Equalities Manager
|
|